(Written by Viper, edited by Grand Admiral Newbie)

Page Four

GAN couldn't find any "Idiot's guide to starting a war" books.

GAN had recruited 12 people now, although some of them didn't speak English. He had included his mom, his dog (aptly named Resource Collector) and the girl he liked at school (although she didn’t know it) into his armada. But all that was irrelevant; GAN knew he was the best, and, since he *was* the Grand Admiral, it must carry down to his whole fleet. He had the idea to call a meeting of his fleet and have a ballot. GAN decided he would use all their votes, to keep the beauty of democracy how it should be, i.e. what he wanted. He'd also decided he should call a meeting of his armada in the ‘Taiidan only’ game room (a daring Kushan raid) and had prepared a speech:

CRAP_GA_Newbie> CRAZY REBELLIOUS AGRESSORS PURPLE HAS GROWN STRONG. SOON WE WILL CRUSH … Moron> How do I change my name??
CRAP_Wedge> Where's our webpage??
CRAP_GA_Newbie> … WON.NET AND WE WILL GO DOWN IN HISTORY AS A REALLY GOOD ARMADA. THEN WE WILL . ..
CRAP_R2> Do I need the CD in to play?
CRAP_GA_Newbie> … RULE THE …
CRAP_Idiotboy> My mom says I can only stay for 5 minutes
CRAP_Nobody> What does a patch do ?
CRAP_Viper546783> Join My Game !!
CRAP_GA_Newbie> SHUT UP!! I'M MAKING A SPEECH !!
CRAP_Inept> What does rank mean?
CRAP_Newguy> Who are you guys???
CRAP_Wedge> WHERE IS OUR WEBPAGE ???? TELL ME OR I'LL KILL YOU !!!!
CRAP_GA_Newbie> YOU BASTARDS, I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!!!!!!

The meeting didn't end well, 3 people resigned, one person got really upset and called for their mom, who banned them from the internet. Of the remaining members, 1 person still didn't know how to change his name and another worked for AOL technical support, so there was no hope of finding out how to do anything. GAN figured that threatening to behead the whole fleet and kill their firstborn son was a little extreme so he decided to unite them with a WAR!

Starting a war would be difficult. GAN was well aware of how much CRAP was feared and respected on Won, he would just have to goad someone foolish enough to take on his entire fleet in a fight. It would take all GAN's wit and cunning to mentally back them into a corner and force them to declare war, knowing it to be suicidal. The prospects of success looked dim, but GAN was never one to let the odds put him off, he was a man of action a man of principle, a man worried about the growing of hair under his arms and in other places.

CRAP_GA_Newbie has joined room #2
sno> Oh .... shit, not again
Burst_81> Woohoo! Newbie time, this guy is soooo stupid !!
CRAP_GA_Newbie> YOU ALL KNOW HOW CRAP IS THE GREATEST ARMADA ON WON, WHO'S BRAVE ENOUGH TO TAKE US ON?
sno> LOL
Cadfan_> Hahaha!!
CRAP_GA_Newbie> HA, SNO YOU FOOL ! PREPARE FOR WAR !
sno> It’s sno, not SNO
CRAP_GA_Newbie> NO MATTER, YOU WILL PERISH UNDER MY IMMENSE POWER. PREPARE FOR WAR !
sno> Sure, wanna die now or would you rather watch Barney first?
Burst_81> Hehe, what a bastard. =)
CRAP_GA_Newbie> YOU TOO, BUST_18 !!!!
Calaban> lol
Burst_81> It’s Burst_81, not … oh never mind.
CRAP_GA_Newbie> AND YOU, CALABAN !! CRAP WILL DESTROY YOU ALL !
Tetranova> How about me?
Tetranova has left room #2
Tetranova_X has joined room #2
Tetranova_X> and me
Tetranova_X has left room #2
Tetranova_Z has joined room #2
Tetranova_Z > Yeah, and me too
CRAP_GA_Newbie> STOP IT, I CAN'T WRITE DOWN THESE NAMES IN TIME !!!
sno> My pet fish wants a war too
CRAP_GA_Newbie> YOU BASTARDS, I'LL...
Calaban> Let me guess,you'll kill us all, right ?
CRAP_GA_Newbie has left room #2

Yes !!! …

those fools, they had played right into GAN's trap and they would pay, all of them. With only a quick pause to see how many "R's" you spell "War" with, GAN proceeded to make the necessary arrangements. He emailed all his fleet commanders, at least the ones who knew their own email address, after forwarding the 2 emails, he proceeded to find all the other armadas’ messageboards. 18 hours later he had gone to every site on Geocities but had not found their web pages. Those idiots didn't even have web pages! This would almost be too easy ....

But how does one conduct a war? GAN looked in his local bookstore and couldn't find any "Idiot's guide to starting a war" books. He asked at the counter but they just gave him a funny look and asked him if he was on any medication. The AOL guy had asked the same, and his mom kept telling him if he kept using the curtains as a cloak and calling his sister "Karan" and his Granddad “Yoda” then she would take him to see a special doctor. All this talk of medicine worried him not though, he had his destiny to carry out, even if it meant risking his health.

Again GAN turned to his clever friend who had helped him before and asked him how to start a war. He was told that most wars in the 20th century were started by an assassination. GAN thought he would assassinate sno, as he was the one who laughed at him the most. He asked how he could do this and was told the most effective way of doing it was by use of a sniper rifle. GAN tried to put an ad in the local paper but when he asked if he could have a half page ad reading "Sniper rifle required for assassination and to start a war" They told him he couldn't. GAN would have to find another way ....

Will sno survive the attempts of GAN? Will CRAP rule Won.net? Well, obviously not, but I bet you haven't even imagined just HOW badly GAN can fuck this up, find out next week.

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